How do people?

How are people so nice? How can they not be mean? How does one learn to turn the other cheek? How can they remain calm when others are so damn self-righteous? How can they not try to get the last word? And while we’re at it, could someone please clue me in on how just the very few have been designated to be the ones to dispense all the worldly wisdom and be absolutely correct – oh, and how do I get to be one of the few? Anyone? Anyone?

I’d really like to know.

A break

From bloodwork! My level last week was 12, so the doctor said to wait two weeks and it should be to zero. I’m glad she’s letting me skip a week – I was getting tired of going. If it’s zero next week, then I need two more zeroes before I’m technically finished. Thank God. Counting down the summer one Friday at a time just really doesn’t appeal to me all that much. 🙂

On an unrelated note, I’m getting a haircut tomorrow. It’s the first time ever that I’ve actually gone back 6 weeks later for maintenance. I feel so grown up.

I’m not sure how I feel tonight

I can honestly say that this is the first time since I’ve taught here that I’ve watched a senior class leave and not felt even a twinge of sadness. There are a few kids who I will miss desperately: Katie, who likes to play Judgey McJudgerson with me; Grant, who is the Perez Hilton of FRHS; Joel, who reminds me so much of myself at 17 that it’s frightening; Taylor, whose beautiful smile makes *me* smile; Gabs, who would give every part of herself for another human being; Brad, who when he learns to play the game will be unstoppable; Drew, my sweet sweet boy, Drew; Ryan, who I had in three classes this year and he still made me laugh daily; Amy, who is beautiful inside AND out…and there are more.

I recognize that maybe I’m just getting old. I find myself saying shit like, “When I was in high school…” I was going 89 different directions this year and didn’t have time to truly cultivate strong relationships with most of them. Part of the responsibility does lie in my court. However, as a whole, this class has been a challenge. In reality, they weren’t different than any other group of horny teenagers. In their reality, though, they were special. I’ve never taught a group more selfish, more self-entitled, more annoying, more self-righteous students. It was so bad that I’m not even teaching seniors next year – they turned me off that much. If I had another class like this one, I would want to quit altogether. So, instead I will work with AP seniors – the ones who love school, and the Student Council seniors – the ones who I already love. Oh, and I will teach freshmen – 68 of them. Say a prayer now – I’m not sure if it should be for me or for them, but I will keep you posted.

Yes, this is cheating. This is making my life easy. I don’t care. I deserve it. I wish them well, the class of 2009. I hope they figure it the fuck out. Peace out, homies.

The new Captain James Tiberius Kirk = tasty

Home from the state track meet. Had a great time (mostly). The medley dropped the baton but picked it up and finished seventh. Boo.

The most exciting part of the weekend had to be Star Trek. I cannot find words to describe my pleasure with this movie. I LOVED IT. It’s so good. The story is good, the action is good, the acting is good, and the new Kirk? Yeah. He’s good. He’s soooooooo good.

Tomorrow’s my birthday, and I think I will be taking my husband to see Star Trek. Yum-O.

Off to a running start…er…finish

Today was the first day of the state track meet. Our sprint medley team went in seeded fifth and came out of prelims seeded….fifth. The good news is that they definitely did not run their best and if they have perfect handoffs and all run their best tomorrow, they have an outside shot at winning. The truth is that I’d be happy if they just got the baton around the track and finished fifth.

My other kids did okay…high jumpers finished third and tenth. Girl was seeded 12th in the 400 and finished 11th. Boys 4×800 was seeded 14th and finished 10th. Boys 4×400 was seeded 16th and finished tenth. By the way, finishing tenth at state is the equivalent of finishing fourth at the Olympics – you’re good, just not good enough (top nine place). We realized that no kids will be running on Saturday, and we’re staying over on Friday night. Oops. Really, though, this is the most kids we’ve ever taken to state, so we are excited.

I have to be honest though and tell why I’m most excited: dinner at PF Chang’s and Star Trek, an overnight at a hotel in a room ALL BY MYSELF, and tomorrow afternoon, my coaching career will be over (for now). After 14 years of coaching, I’m taking a break. I’m not sure how this will go. I’ve never not coached. When I started, I was coaching three sports a year. I never stopped. I went to two. Then one…and one is too much.

Know why? Because this is the first time in my life when I’ve been truly happy with the rest of my life. I *want* to be home. I *want* to spend time with my family. All those other years, it was something that I did to make someone else happy – I mean, I loved it, and I still do – but the heart of it was for someone else. And that’s not enough. The money is highly disproportionate to the time and effort.

Now, I can make my life about me and her and her and him…and us.

A cost/benefit analysis

Yesterday I received the financial info from the d&c. Mind you, it came from my insurance company, and not the hospital, so who knows what they will try to get out of me. For the hospital, the anesthesiologist, the pathology and the doctor, the total cost was right around $7000. My cost?

$300.

Not too bad, I suppose. We’ve got that cash handy. We don’t have to refinance the house for it. I can’t imagine not having insurance. But the pessimist in me can’t help but think about the real cost of it all.

It cost my faith in my own body. It cost the realization that I don’t have time to cry. It cost a track season. It cost weeks worth of being a terrible mother, teacher, wife.

It gave me more faith in my body than ever. It gave me perspective. It gave me reassurance that I’m doing the right thing. It gave me the courage to quit coaching. It gave me renewed love for my daughters, my students and my husband.

So, really, the $300 is money well-spent.

Level is going down!

If you’ve been following, you know that my hcg (pregnancy hormone) level has to get to zero and stay at zero for three weeks to rule out and molar growth.

First level was 132, second was 28.6 (or 26.8, I can’t remember). This is good news…I hope it keeps falling quickly!