Sorry, everybody

I shouldn’t title posts with the f-bomb. Not super nice. I was just so damn angry, and those of you who know me in real life know that I’m not a simmer-type of angry person. My anger usually manifests itself like a mushroom cloud and shock wave sort of reaction, followed by a contrite apology.

Like this one.

I promise I’m over it.

This weekend, I took my kids on our fall retreat. It was such a fun weekend – hanging out with those kids and watching them work to become closer and spending time with a colleague who I truly respect is almost worth the time away from the family. Almost.

But, I digress (whoa, weird, right?). Before we took our hike up to the top of the ridge (please see my facebook for photos if you haven’t already – SUCH a gorgeous view), I had the kids write down on a half sheet of paper all of the negative “crap” they’re carrying. It could have been a grudge, anger, jealousy, just anything they wanted to get rid of. And I did the same. I filled the entire sheet. And when we got to the top of the mountain, after a talk about forgiveness and starting anew and not hanging on to things that don’t matter, I buried them.

I took all of my negative thoughts and feelings about all the crap I’ve been posting lately – the loss of our little one, my family’s lack of appreciation for my educational accomplishments, our finances, my lack of faith – and I buried them. I left them, literally and metaphorically, on top of a mountain. And I feel lighter. I feel forgiven. I feel inspired. I feel motivated. I feel ready to face a new challenge. I feel a small reconnection with my God.

That small act, which started as a simple activity for my kids to get them ready for the coming year, has completely rejuvenated me. A friend of mine told me once that what I give my attention to, whether positive or negative, will grow. Today, I choose to grow hope. I choose to grow faith. I choose to grow priorities that matter. I choose to grow love.

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7 Comments

  1. Beautiful. I’m so proud of you, and I couldn’t be more excited for what this will mean for you…

  2. Awesome – not in the eighties sense of the word – but in the “in awe” sense. Hoping and praying this opens new doors for you and brings you peace.
    *hugs*

  3. This post brought tears to my eyes.

  4. I am happy for you (with tears in my eyes)

  5. *hug*

    I’m glad you’ve found happiness, hon.

  6. I am so glad you have been able to find some peace!

  7. #1- In 7 years of teaching, I’ve never even been brave enough to go on a field trip, so this boggles my mind 🙂
    #2- I’ve got a long list. I think I need to start digging! Like the idea. Glad it brought you some peace.


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