Today at the doctor

Two things happened:
1) I was weighed. I found out that I weigh only 8 pounds less than I did when Ryan was born. Wow. I mean, I knew nothing fit, that I sweat now in places that should NEVER be sweaty, but to give it a number was sort of….deflating (metaphorically, of course…if literally, I wouldn’t be here right now).

But then…
2) I was in the waiting area, next to the ultrasound area, when the door opened and out came a nurse, a woman and a man. I noticed their scarlet-rimmed eyes an it was clear that they had been crying. A lot. And I knew what had happened behind that door. I watched them walk to the elevator, that blank look in their eyes. I could tell they needed to touch each other, but they couldn’t. I knew that they were struggling with reframing their plans and their joy to reflect their loss. I knew they were dreading the replacement of their blissful secret with a dark one.

And I realized that these extra rolls and love handles will never equal the weight those two now have to carry. And I remembered that as hard as it will be to lose the alcohol-dairy queen-multiple bratwursts weight, I’ve lost more difficult weight before.

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