Just waiting for the crash

followed by a burn as hot as our bonfire tonight.

It’s Homecoming Week. In most schools, this is not a big deal – a pep assembly, crowning some royalty at a game, crepe paper streamers in the gym. Not here. Not with these kids. My schedule this week is hell:
last Saturday – work day from 10-4
last night – Movie Night until 9:30
tonight – Bonfire until 8:45
tomorrow – setting up for the coronation assembly until 9
thursday – setting up for assembly AND dress rehearsal
friday – assembly, then setting up for the dance
saturday – the dance (for me) from 6-midnight
sunday – cleaning up

Yeah. Even in the best of times, it’s a killer week. But factor in the miscarriage I was having only a week ago, no sleep this weekend, and now this sickness – the aching, the fever, the cough, the runny nose – and I want to die. I can’t take a day off. I can’t not be there. I am committed to this week. It is the premiere event of our year. We spend about $10,000 on it. It’s why I got such a big raise for doing student council.

So I’m wondering when I will just collapse. Because, really? Even though I never do, I want to. I didn’t take a day off last week, you know. I’m not telling you that to brag – just to give context. I miscarried my baby while I was teaching ungrateful bastard children about dependent clauses. Kind of reframes my life. I had committed to family and to self at the beginning of the year and now I’m not. I’m putting my job first for these next five days, when what I want to do, more than ANYthing else is curl up on my mommy’s lap (ignore that she’s been in the ground for 27 years, okay?) and cry until I feel better. And if I can’t have that, I’ll curl up on Jesse’s lap and snuggle Ryan.

But not until Sunday.

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2 Comments

  1. oh Tara, you are dealing with way too much! I really understand about commitment with work and having to be there, I do, but can you commit to some “you” time after this weekend? And make it as strong a commitment to yourself as your work ones are? In the end, YOU are way more important than work, even though it might not feel like that.

    Take care of yourself, you have a lot going on. I hope Sunday gets here fast for you.

  2. Sending lots of hugs your way!


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