Tomorrow is Mother’s Day

Like you needed that post title to remind you. (if you did, then you’re a bad bad kid)

This is a day of up and down, back and forth for me. To sum:
*I have no mother. I haven’t had one for almost 30 years. There’s no other word than “sucks.”
*I am a mother. I know I’m a good one because of what I learned from my own before she left me too soon.
*There’s no pressure for me to perform well on Mother’s Day. I’m free to soak up whatever the hub and kids cook up for me.
*I still have to thank the women in my life who acted as mothers to me: mostly my Auntie Gaye, without whom I would probably be living in a trailer somewhere in bumfuck Wisconsin, fat, with bad teeth and working at the local Rocky Rococo.

I know this day is one of those manufactured holidays…every day should be a mother’s (and father’s) day. My kids are pretty damn good about showing me that they love me on a daily basis and that makes me one of the luckiest women I know. So I want to take today to thank them.

Megan, you make me prouder than you can understand. When I watch you, I am touched by your inner kindness and it makes me laugh when you try to be so much like what everyone else expects, but you can’t do it for very long because you know better – your heart tells you so. I live in fear of your world not being everything you need it to be and want to save you, but know that saving you means letting you be you. You are the child of my youth, of my mistakes, and I couldn’t love you more.

Ryan, the way that I love you cannot be contained in these clumsy words. You are the child of my happiness, of my growth, of my joy. You were conceived in a love that is rare and that radiates in your every act, your every word. There is a bond between us that will transcend time and distance. When I hear you, I hear my voice. When I see you, I view my childhood. When I hold your hand, I complete myself.

Ainsley, I didn’t know I wanted you and I never knew we needed you until you were here. You are the fruition of a mature love that has grown and filled me with such joy as you do. There are so many aspects of you that come from your father, but your eyes tell me that I’ve known you before. Your soul and mine have journeyed together and the anticipation of this new journey fills me with peace.

There have been times in my life when I only stayed alive because of these beautiful girls. There have been times in my life when I wanted to run away because of these beautiful girls! They are my life. They are my loves. They make me a mother.

My sincere love and thanks today to all mothers out there – in whatever form, in whatever shape, in whatever time. Love yourselves today.