One half up, one half down

Do you ever have those days where you swing from one emotional extreme to another? I just got home from our state student council camp, where I’m reminded that I truly do have the best job in the world. I read my magic notes and cried. I looked at pictures and videos and cried. Those were tears of fulfillment and contentment. Then I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One in preparation for seeing part two tomorrow (whee!) and cried tears of sadness – how can this be over?!??! And that just started this grumpfest of every little thing annoying the ever living fuck out of me.

Doing laundry? Fuck.
Realizing that blood from Ryan’s nosebleed has been on the side of the toilet for two weeks now? Fuck.
I literally cannot walk without limping because my hip hurts so badly? Fuck.
Ainsley won’t just go to sleep when I put her in her crib and she’s almost one? Fuck.
My house is a fucking pigsty? Fuck.
School starts in like five weeks and I have done nothing but work for school all summer? Fuck.
My husband is not really talking to me, so I’m going to be super mature and ignore him right back? Fuck.

But then I feel bad for feeling bad…

My job (even though it is soooo hard) is the best job in the world.
My kids are healthy and beautiful and smart and funny.
Megan is living here. SHE’S LIVING HERE.
My husband truly would walk through hell and back for me.
We have a home.
We have a family that will help us whenever we need anything.
I have a body that can do things that many people don’t even try to do.
I’m blessed with friends that feel like home.

I think I’m just tired. Actually, I think I’m exhausted. I want (and need) a vacation from my “vacation.” Maybe in the next few weeks I’ll find some balance again. :::crosses fingers:::


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