Only a little more than six weeks until school is over. Something like 34 school days? I can do this. I have to do this. But I just don’t wanna. :::insert foot-stomp here:::
I’m not doing student council next year, which is giving up a second job (and taking a 10% pay cut – ugh). I can’t really explain how happy that makes me, but for the next month or so there is so much I don’t want to do anymore. I don’t want to go to school this Sunday for the Hair-Raising event – the event that collects hair to make wigs for cancer patients. Yes, I’m bitter about going to THAT. And I don’t want to go on senior retreat. And I don’t want to talk at our spring induction. I just want to quietly go away.
Of course, I can’t do that. Every move I make, I’m watched. Every action I take could have implications on me entering administration later. A good friend reminded me tonight that I have to keep the goal in mind, but I’m not sure what the goal is anymore. Why am I doing this? Teaching, I mean. Why? There are only about 20 kids I truly enjoy seeing every day. There are only about 20 teachers I truly enjoy working with. I hate papers. I hate parents (sorry ’bout that post, by the way). I hate the time. I hate whiny kids. I hate being so tired all. the. time.
I know I write about this a lot, this exhaustion and frustration, and I’m sorry. It’s where I am right now. Frustrated and exhausted. So hard to get through every day. And I’ve brilliantly added the marathon to the mix. Funny how the running feels like the least drain on me, isn’t it?
I promise to not stay here too long. There are a lot of positive things on the horizon, I just gotta get past this. Just gotta get through May 31.